


Pristine

by yuiseau



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Love, M/M, Mechanic Dean, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Painter Castiel (Supernatural), Pining, Small Towns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-10 11:26:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12910941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuiseau/pseuds/yuiseau
Summary: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester have a history in a small town in Michigan. When Castiel returns home to care for his sick aunt with his mother, his path crosses with Dean's again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my personal hell!
> 
> I would just like to let you know that I'm the worst at updating sometimes, but truly, if I get enough feedback on this one, I promise that I will update as often as I possibly can. 
> 
> For now, enjoy! Leave a comment if there are any errors that you catch. I'm only one person, and sometimes my eyes slip over an error or two.

"Castiel, you know I love and care for you very much, right?"

Castiel sighed, dreading the conversation he was about to endure. "Of course, mother. You love me more than anyone."

Placing a delicate, frail hang on his shoulder, she turned her son so he was facing her. "You don't need to go. I would be perfectly fine on my own. I'm still young, Castiel. I can put one foot in front of the other and wipe my own ass without the help of my son. Please don't think that you're forced to come along for the ride."

"I can't let you drive across the state by yourself. I'm coming with you, and I'll deal with- well- you know. I'll deal with things when I get there." He took her hands in his and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "For now, pack up your things. If we want to get there before sunset, we'll have to leave in an hour."

Naomi chuckled, crinkling her old blue eyes. "Always so pushy, darling." She walked off to the other end of the house, towards the master bedroom.

Cas let out a quiet breath he didn't know he was holding. As much as he loved his mother, driving across the state to go visit his ill aunt sounded like hell, especially when it meant he needed to go back to his hometown. Gorney Township, the killer of dreams and anything alike. But truly, he would never let his mother drive across the state at her age. As much as she liked to joke and say that she had not aged a day since 25, Cas could still watch her struggle to read the fine print on the nutrition label for her favorite cereal in the morning. He noticed how she needed the volume a little higher on the television. He saw the way she gripped the railing on the stairway. He sure as hell wasn't going to let her drive a shitty car across the state into a town of assholes.

He exited the kitchen and climbed up the stairwell to go to his room. He made a list of things he needed to pack a few days ago, but Castiel could never be too cautious. He double and triple checked his suitcase, packing more clothes than needed in case his mother decided to stay longer than expected. He wouldn't blame her. When Anna was sick, he never left her side, not until the last moment.

Anna would have know. what to do in this situation. She was always so rational, so logical...

She must have gotten it from their mother.

Cas admired that about his sister and mother. To be able to think with reason instead of emotion must be lovely. If there are no feelings involved, you can't get hurt.

He took a few steps forward and turned around to flop on his bed, squeaking the wooden floorboards. The soft quilt that covered his bed eased the tension from his neck and back. 

"This is so stupid." He whispered to himself. "This must be the dumbest thing I've ever done"

Gorney Township is Castiel's nightmare. A small town with bitchy people, where gossip ran rampant through the streets and everybody knew everybody's business. No privacy whatsoever. 

Well, that and Dean Winchester still lived there.

His friend Hannah had kept in contact with him since he had left with his mother, and sent him a text every few months. She liked to call it the "Monthly Gorney Update", even though she usually was far off from a monthly schedule. Cas liked the fact that she even cared enough to talk to him. He would send back pictures of his art, to which she would send flower emojis and a thumbs up. 

The worst part about talking to Hannah was that she was still extremely good friends with Dean after all those years. 50% of the Monthly Gorney Update would include activities Dean was partaking in, and how he was doing. Castiel didn't bother to say that he didn't care what Dean was doing. She would know that he was lying anyways.

Truth is, Cas was terrified of returning to Gorney Township because of one reason. One person, to be exact.

"Castiel! I thought you said we needed to leave!"

Cas snapped his head up. Had it really been an hour already? 

"I'm coming! One minute!"

He quickly zipped up his suitcase and grabbed his backpack with his art supplies. Maybe emotional trauma would bring him good inspiration.

He threw on his dirty pair of sneakers and shut the lights off. When he arrived downstairs, his mother had her arms crossed.

"Who's the slow one now?" She joked.

Cas grinned. "Not so fast, old lady. I took a five minute shower this morning. If I remember correctly, yours took-"

"Forty six minutes. I remember." His mother shot back, smiling. "And I enjoyed every minute of it. Let's get this show on the road, smartass."

Cas grabbed his mother's duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Let's."

After they had successfully loaded the bags into the back of Cas' car, he slid into the driver's seat.

"Next stop: Aunt Amara's."

 

 

They drove through the rural part of Michigan. Cops didn't monitor the back roads, and Naomi refused to let Cas drive on the highway, saying it was "too icy to be safe during this time of the year". Cas just went along with it.

The drive was relatively peaceful, with his mother occasionally pushing a Michael Jackson CD into the player and humming along to the songs. Cas mostly tuned her out, and entertained himself by counting the number of cows he could spot. By the time they arrived at the Gorney Township gates, he had reached a total of 157.

The place instantly gave him a sense of insecurity. As he drove down the road, he wished his mother was awake to lend him some support. Every person walking their dog or visiting a store seemed to turn their head to get a look at the newcomer. He could have sworn that he recognized a few faces, but he was probably just freaking himself out.

Cas was grateful when he pulled into Aunt Amara's driveway.

He reached over and nudged his mother. "Wake up. We've made it." 

She cracked her eyes open, and was suddenly consumed with raw energy. "Oh Castiel, please help with the luggage! I want to be the first to go inside!"

Cas shrugged and began to get out of the car. When he started to lift each bag out from the trunk of the car, he watched in amusement while Naomi knocked on Amara's door, bouncing on her heels like a child. Cas couldn't help the small smile playing on his lips.

The door creaked open and Amara peeked through the crack, before letting out a screech.

"Naomi! Oh my lord, what are you doing here?" She flung the door open and enveloped Naomi in a tight hug. 

"We came to visit you! I thought you would appreciate some company."

Amara raised an eyebrow. "Who is we?" She brought her eyes back to the car and caught sight of Cas, who raised his hand in a short wave. She hurriedly looked back to Naomi. Cas wasn't stupid, he knew exactly what she was thinking.

Amara leaned close to Naomi and whispered, "You do know Dean is still in town, yes?"

Unfortunately, as a 65-year-old woman, she had lost most of her senses when it came to the volume of her voice. Cas rolled his eyes.

"Yes Aunt Amara, I do realize Dean is still in town. This isn't about him, this is about us visiting you. I'm glad to be back home." Cas lied, and hoped he sounded more genuine than he was.

Amara gave him a toothy grin and opened her arms. "My favorite nephew, Castiel! I've missed you so much."

Cas closed the distance and accepted the hug, silently screaming at the unwanted physical affection. The only person that he was comfortable with touching him was his mother and Hannah. Well, them and-

Not him. Not anymore.

"How has my favorite aunt been?" Cas asked politely, attempting to make light conversation and drown out his own thoughts.

"I've been doing just fine. Why don't you two come in and I'll make you both some tea?"

"Let me bring in our luggage and I'll sit down as soon as it's inside." Cas walked back to the car to load up their luggage and dragged it into the house. As soon as he stepped foot inside the front door, the smell of his childhood hit him. Aunt Amara must have cherry pie in the oven. 

He remembered the first time Aunt Amara made him cherry pie. He came home from school after show and tell and told her that Dean had brought in his mother's homemade cherry pie and each student was allowed to try a bite. It tasted so good, Cas wanted to eat cherry pie every day. Aunt Amara took it upon herself to create the best cherry pie recipe, even better than Mary Winchester's. Cas hadn't had cherry pie since he left Gorney. But nothing mattered then. He was in his hometown and 50 things a second would remind him of his childhood. He needed to get used to it.

"Auntie, is that cherry pie I smell?" Cas called out, heading towards the East side of the house where the guest bedrooms were located.

"Absolutely!" Amara answered, voice straining to reach him from the kitchen.

He threw his suitcase unceremoniously into a corner in his room. The room he always had at Aunt Amara's when he spent the night as a kid. Nothing had changed, except she had switched up the sheets of the bed and plugged in a new air freshener. He moved to get closer to a shelf against the back wall, squinting his eyes at the picture frame resting against the overgrown ivy plant there. Of course she would have the ugliest picture of Cas as a kid still there. He smirked and picked up the little frame the size of his palm to inspect it. Little 8-year-old Cas stared back, smiling wide with his tooth gap. Cas wished he was that happy again.

He tuned the picture around, set it back on the shelf, and left his room.

After dropping off his mother's luggage in her room, he made his way towards the kitchen to sit with his mother and aunt. People used to joke that Cas had the soul of an old woman after he had learned how to knit, so he would definitely fit in while speaking to the two of them together.

"Cassie dear, come join us. Your mother was just telling me about your career as an artist. I'm so proud of you! I always knew you had something special." Amara beamed.

Castiel slipped into a wooden chair at the dining table. "Yeah, I've been doing commissions. People ask me to paint something and I do it for them. You'd be surprised at how much they're willing to pay me to paint a portrait of their shitzu." 

Amara smiled. "Do you paint full time or do you have another job?"

He tried to hold back his twinge of anger. "I paint full time. I love my job."

Naomi took Castiel's hand and rubbed her thumb over it. "He's a beautiful painter, Amara. You should really see some of his work. It reminds me a lot of Dad's charcoal art. It's almost like Castiel has developed the same style as him."

"I would love to see some of your work, Cassie." Amara said, pointing her gaze at Cas. He could feel the heat rushing to his face and his ears burned.

"Uh, well, I didn't bring any along with me. But I was hoping that coming back here would give me some creative inspiration, so maybe I'll show you some of the work I get done while I'm here." Cas deflected.

Amara seemed defeated. "Alright. I look forward to it."

The two ladies got back to talking to each other, but Cas just sat quietly at the other side of the table, staring at the wood. He remembered eating Aunt Amara's oatmeal, being bored because there was no cereal box to read. Instead, he imagined a story within the wood groves of the table, seeing a dragon and a knight, fighting each other in an epic life or death battle. As he looked at the wooden table now, all he could find were the meaningless wood groves.

"If you would please excuse me, I'm very tired. I think I'm going to head to bed for now." Cas stated.

Amara, looked over at him. "Okay, sweetie. Sleep well, and we'll talk in the morning."

As Cas retreated down the hallway, he could hear Amara remark on his manners and how he has grown to be a "delightful young man". He resisted the urge to scoff, knowing full well that she believed he was the most repulsive kind of person in the world and had no respect for his profession. As much as he loved her, he had lost respect for her many years ago.

He entered his old room again only to be hit with the same feeling of nostalgia as before. His phone rang before he could get lost in his thoughts.

"Hello?" He answered, and adjusted the phone between his shoulder and ear.

"Castiel Novak, you better have a good ass explanation for this. Are you really in Gorney right now?" Hannah screamed through the phone. Cas jumped away from the phone and scrambled to catch it before it fell to the ground. The phone jumped from one hand to another, before landing back in his right hand.

He got a grasp on the damn thing again and held it back up to his ear, at a distance. "I... I am? I'm sorry, I should have told you. It was quite last minute."

He was prepared for the next string of curses. "Damn right you're sorry! Where the hell are you staying, Amara's? I'll be over in a few minutes. Don't you move one muscle."

"Hannah I was just about to head to be-"

The line went silent. 

Great. Already ten minutes in town and he had to meet up with someone else. Not like he really minded Hannah, she was probably the closest friend he had, other than his own mother. 

He sauntered out from his room and pulled his coat back on. If Hannah was coming over, he might as well avert her away from the prying eyes of his aunt. When he passed by the doorway leading to the kitchen, his mom glanced over.

"Change of plans, love?" She inquired.

He shrugged. "Hannah just called. She wants to chat. I'll be home sometime tonight."

Amara grinned and clasped her hands together. "Are you and Hannah dating? I remember how well you two got along when you were younger."

Castiel resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "No, we're just friends." 

He heard more chatter from the kitchen but decided to keep moving to slip his sneakers on. If it had been snowing, he would have pulled on his cozy pair of snow boots.

Three knocks on the door pulled his attention away from his shoes, and he immediately tied faster to get out of the house as quick as possible.

"Goodbye!" He yelled, before flinging the door open and stepping outside, instantly being swarmed by a set of arms. Hannah gripped him with all her strength and planted a big, fat kiss on the side of his face.

"Castiel! Oh my god, you've grown so tall!" She gushed, sliding her hands down the length of his arms. She stepped back, giving him a good once-over.

"And you've just ruined my beautiful pale skin with your cherry lipstick. Good to see you too, Hannah." He couldn't help the smile that grew when he really got a good look at her. She hadn't changed much, only thickened out a little bit into a mature woman. He could still see the gleam in her eyes that she had when they had ridden the ferris wheel together when they were eighteen.

"Good lord Castiel, you are one handsome man. If I didn't know you well enough, I would have jumped you already!" She joked, grabbing his hand. "Let's go find somewhere that we can talk."

Cas followed her like a blind dog. She had obviously walked there, her cheeks were rosy pink and there was no car in the driveway other than his own. He supposed you didn't really need to drive if you lived in a town as quaint as Gorney. Still, he relished in the warmth of her hand and gripped it as if it was the only thing keeping him alive.

"How have you been? I feel like I've been a little lax when it came to sending my Monthly Gorney Update. You know, as much as I love texting you, I've been quite busy!" She gave his hand a tight squeeze. "I just opened up a new café in town. I decided to name it 'Angel Cakes', remember that joke? Oh man, so many things have changed since you've been gone. Obviously, life has been good to me in many ways, but I'm still single as a pringle. Haven't had much luck finding the nice guys, you know?" She bumbed her hip into his.

Castiel took a second to process Hannah's nonstop babble. "Sounds like things really are going well for you, Han. I've just been doing the same thing I've been doing for years. Nothing too exciting."

Hannah slowed down to carefully step over a fallen tree branch, still clutching Castiel's hand tightly. "Hey, same-old-same-old is good! Means you aren't getting in too much trouble." She sent him a wink at that. "Met any cute guys?"

The smile fell from Castiel's face for a second, but he quickly regained his composure. "Nope. Haven't dated since high school. I've gone out and had a few quick hook-ups, but nothing too serious. I think I'm too scared to bring someone home to my mom. She's nice and all, but after everything happened with Anna and dad..." He trailed off, "Well, she just hasn't been the most open person to me stepping outside of my comfort zone. She told me a year ago that she's convinced she is cursed, and that she passed it down to me."

He snuck a look at Hannah, who pleasantly smiled. "Oh, you're definitely cursed. With good looks!" She looped her arm through his, and Cas could almost close his eyes and pretend that they were in school together again. He missed this. His biggest regret about leaving Gorney was Hannah. Or Dean-

Not today.

He tucked Hannah's arm closer to his and looked up to see where they were walking. They had made their way past Old Man Uriel's house, or at least what was left of it. He had passed away a few weeks before Castiel got the hell out of dodge, but he had no relatives to pass it down to.

Hannah gave his arm a slight tug to the left. Instantly knowing where she was headed, he followed without question. They walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence, watching as the sun sank lower and lower through the trees.

Castiel could smell the dock before he saw it. It smelled like fish and water, like nature. Like home.

Hannah brushed off the stray leaves from the bench. Their bench. The one that they always came to when they needed a place away from the world, or needed to have a good cry wrapped in each other's arms.

"Do you remember all of the good times we had here, Castiel? God, I don't think I could ever forget. You were always there for me when I was having a hard day. Remember when Michael broke up with me sophomore year and you went out to buy me ice cream and we pretended that old oak was Michaels face? We ended up throwing the whole damn container against that tree." She giggled, and leaned her weight against Cas. "I've missed you."

He tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "I've missed you too. I'm sorry I haven't been back in what, eight years? Nine years?"

She huffed a laugh. "Nine years."

"Damn, it's been a while. Well, you know how hard it is for me here. You know why I haven't been back, Han. I would have come back to visit you a thousand times over if it wasn't so painful being in this stupid town."

She sighed. "You're here now. That's all that matters, right? You might not be here under the best circumstances, but at least you're sitting next to me, letting me use you as my very own personal heater."

He mocked disgust. "You're only using me? How dare you." Hannah giggled against his shoulder, and he joined in.

Suddenly, the harsh sound of running footsteps on crushed gravel caught their attention. Hannah straightened herself back up, still linking her arm with Castiel's. The footsteps got louder and louder until a man broke out through the woods and made his first few steps on the wood dock. Obviously not seeing them together, he slowed his pace and rested his hands against the railing and overlooked the water of Lake Taho. He seemed deep in thought when Hannah sniffled. He turned his head toward the noise, startled, and Cas almost threw up on the spot from nausea. He knew those green eyes from a mile away.

Hannah tensed up beside him also, grasping his arm impossibly tighter. "Let's go," she whispered. Cas didn't need any more motivation.

They stood, Cas not daring to say a word, hoping the shadow of the trees would hide his face. But the man seemed to have the eye of a hawk.

"Hannah? Is that you over there?" He called out, stepping closer.

Hannah looked at Cas, unsure of what he wanted her to do. He just shook his head, giving up. She rubbed his back reassuringly, and took a deep breath.

"Hey, Dean. Long time no see." She greeted. 

Dean flashed his award winning smile at her. "Even through I just saw you a few hours ago buying my daily bread, it's always a pleasure. Hannah, you didn't tell me you were dating some-"

His eyes flew open wide when Castiel gathered enough strength to look Dean in the eyes. Cas knew that Dean remembered him, they grew up together after all. He hadn't changed much over the past nine years, and if anything, he knew he had only become more handsome.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean looked like a deer in the headlights. "Cas."

Castiel didn't dare to let his gaze waver, to let Dean win again. He stared the man down with his bright blue eyes, like a challenge. Dean didn't seem to know what to do. His hand was frozen mid-air.

Hannah cleared her throat. "Apologies, but I seem to have caught a bit of a cold. Castiel, would you please walk me home? I'm feeling a little faint." Cas thanked the heavens that he had such an amazing friend.

"Of course, Han. Let's go." He placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her around Dean and off of the wooden dock. He didn't look back, but he knew Dean was still standing there, staring at him as if he had seen a ghost.

And maybe he had.

Maybe, standing there on the dock of Lake Toho, Dean Winchester had seen the ghostly shell of a man he once had known.

But for now, Castiel needed to walk his friend home safely.

He continued to lead Hannah up the pea gravel slope until they had reached the road again. He finally let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Castiel, are you okay?" Hannah asked quietly.

He took a few moments to ponder his answer. Was he okay? Technically his heart was still pumping blood, even thought it was working at triple the speed that moment. Emotionally, he felt drained. One moment, he was laughing with one of his most valued friends. The next, his heart was stopped by the man who ruined him. 

"I'm not okay." He said, barely a whisper. Hannah stopped walking and took him into her arms. She pressed her nose against his neck, standing on her toes to even be able to reach his height.

"You know I love you, Castiel. Always and forever. Don't let him ruin your time here. If you'd like, you can spend the night at my house. I recently bought a new velvet couch, and it would be perfect for a sleepover." She offered.

He smiled into her hair. "No, thank you. I told my mother I would be back at Aunt Amara's tonight. But I may take you up on that offer in the future."

She pulled back, and kissed him lightly on the cheek, smearing more cherry red lipstick on his face. Once again, she took his hand and he walked her home to Springlee Street.

 

 

When Castiel made his way back to his aunt's house, the sky was pitch black. He kicked the rock next to the door to grab the spare key hidden beneath it, just like he would when he came back from sneaking out at night with his friends in high school.

He took his shoes off at the door and threw his coat on the hook next to his mother's. When he found himself down the East hallway, he peeked inside his mother's room. Naomi was sound asleep, snoring as loud as can be. Her hair was spread wildly across the pillow, and she looked gorgeous. Cas smiled and closed the door until he could only see her through a skinny crack.

When he had changed into appropriate clothing to wear to bed, he fell onto his bed from exhaustion. Closing his eyes, he prayed to whatever God was out there that he would never have to interact with Dean while he was in town.

Dean Winchester would not ruin his family again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, long time no see! I'm sorry that I'm seriously the SLOWEST. PERSON. EVER. (I'm sorry. Really.) But I have another chapter for you. Hopefully as the story gets more momentum I'll be able to pump out chapters faster. For now, enjoy!

Cas stared up at the flames with wide eyes. He wasn't even crying, just standing there. It wasn't like he could have done anything, anyways. His childhood home was burning right in front of his eyes, and his father was inside. The flames licked out the windows, and Cas thought he could possibly have a slight chance of running in to get his father. Something exploded inside the house. Cas stood with his feet planted firmly on the ground. 

The worst part was the heat. He could feel himself sweating, but he found some comfort in the cool grass covered in morning dew. He tore his eyes away from the house to look down at his bare feet, flexing them and feeling the blades rub the arches of his feet. Another crack from the house made his head snap back up.

Cas could vaguely hear the sound of a car door being slammed shut. The familiar patter of his mother's footsteps immediately followed. "Castiel! Oh my god, thank the lord you're okay! Are you hurt? I'm so sorry I wasn't here, I just- I thought-"

"Mom, it's okay," Cas cut her off, speaking softly. "I'm okay."

He turned his attention back to the house as his mother grasped his shoulder with all the strength left in her aging hands. He could feel her body shaking uncontrollably as she mustered up enough courage to ask the question he knew was eating away at her.

"Castiel, where is your father? Castiel?"

Moving his eyes from the roof down the right side of the house, he caught a glimpse of the man. Not his father, but Dean. He was throwing up into his neighbor's bushes, curled over after a long day of drinking, he supposed. Dean straightened himself, eyes full of grief, and looked Cas directly in the eyes. Cas could almost see that he was sorry, hidden behind the mask of alcohol. He could almost see Dean mouthing the words, "I'm sorry." But that was surely only his imagination playing tricks on him. No one could be so idiotic to think that a simple sorry would fix what he had done. 

Suddenly, Cas remembered that he had a gun strapped to the side of his belt. He didn't hesitate to pull it out in front of him, turn the safety off, and point it straight at Dean's head.

Before he could pull the trigger, he woke up in a pool of sweat, breathing hard.

He looked at the digital clock sitting on his bedside table, which read 1:42. He groaned and rolled over in bed. He closed his eyes, hoping to fall asleep again, but the insistent sun seeping through his window made him think twice.

He looked at the clock again and squinted his eyes to read the fine print. 1:43pm.

Huffing out a breath of annoyance, he summoned up enough strength to roll out of bed, onto his hands and knees. One step down, one more to go. He lifted an arm to clutch the bedsheets and pulled himself upright. The morning was off to a good start.

He dragged his feet down the hall, relishing in the way his toes caught on the carpet. He didn't care if he looked like a walking zombie, he just wanted his morning cup of tea. 

"Oh, darling! You look absolutely terrible." Naomi giggled behind her mug of coffee.

Castiel let out a frustrated grunt and avoided her gaze. "Tea."

Naomi silently pointed him to the cabinets next to the sink with the raise of an eyebrow. He flung open the cabinet doors, looking for the familiar green box he had come to love in the mornings. No box. He shifted a few spice bottles to the side to get a better view and almost had his entire head in the cabinet when his mother interrupted him.

"Castiel, if they aren't in there, Amara probably ran out. Don't give yourself a neck cramp looking for something that doesn't exist."

He wanted to say something snippy back, but he decided against it. His mother would always comment on how he was "never a morning person", and he could feel himself being an ass sometimes. He would have never given her the satisfaction of proving her right, so he sealed his lips shut and sulked back to his room, where he pulled his sneakers on. If Amara didn't have tea, he was going out to get his own.

As Castiel made his way back down the hallway and past the kitchen, he caught a familiar scent. He already knew who was sitting at the kitchen table with his mother, drinking the last cup of his tea. Again, he bit his tongue and hustled past the kitchen, muttering a stale goodbye to his mother and Amara.

The air outside was crisp, but it was normal for the time of year. Castiel expected the first snowfall last week, but the storm swerved too far north and missed the state entirely. Usually, by early December they already had an inch or two of snow on the ground, but the bare sidewalk was a welcome sight to Cas. He hated walking to the coffee shop in his snow boots.

The way to Ellen's Coffee Shop was natural. The road winded through the neighborhood and eventually led into town. Cas remembered walking to and from town almost every day buying Amara fresh loaves of bread. Amara convinced Cas that after one day a loaf of bread was completely stale and needed to be replaced. Cas just went along with it and made the trip to town, rain or shine. Now, instead of buying bread, he was buying a warm cup of tea.

He reached the outskirts of town, where the houses slowly morphed into barber shops and bakeries. As he passed by yet another bakery, he idly wondered if it was Hannah's. He would have to ask her.

Unfortunately the town was busy in the afternoons. Cas pulled his hood over his head, hoping to avoid any unwanted attention from his old neighborhood, but it was almost like people could see right through him. Conversations would quiet when couples would pass by him. Fingers were pointed from across the street as if he was an animal. 

Cas had enough. He removed the hood from his head and straightened his walk. There was nothing wrong with him, and he wouldn't hide for other people's mistakes. 

Soon he arrived at Ellen's Coffee Shop. The door chimed a set of bells when Cas walked in, and the scent of the shop took him back to when he was younger.

The woman behind the counter looked up with a smile. "Welcome to Ellen's Coffee- Castiel Novak! Son, you have grown to be one hell of a hunk!"

Cas let his lips turn into a slight smile. "Hey, Ellen. Just walked over here to get myself a cup of tea."

"Whatever you want, it's on the house. You walked here, huh? Does that mean you're staying over there at that batshit crazy Amara's house again? That woman needs to get checked out."

Cas barked out a laugh and searched the tea section of the menu, looking for something resembling his usual drink. "I am staying at Amara's, yes. She's already been such a delight to live with again." 

Ellen came around from behind the counter to surround Cas in a hug. For a woman, Ellen was strong. She used to farm potatoes in Ukraine when she was younger, before emigrating to the United States. Her hands were calloused and well used, but she was still gentle and wouldn't hurt a fly. Cas couldn't breathe in her tight grip.

He tapped her shoulder twice. "I tap out! I tap out!" Ellen released him, and instead laid her hands on his shoulders. 

"Let's sit and catch up over coffee. Tell me where you've been all this time."

Cas smiled and asked Ellen if she could make him a cup of white pomegranate green tea, to which she scoffed and made a comment on how some things never change.

There were a couple customers sitting at tables, minding their own business and typing away on computers. Ellen's Coffee Shop was the place where the hipsters would go to hang out. Cas could almost see his ghost sitting in the corner with his beanie pulled low, working on his next piece to auction in the school art show. His father always offered the highest bid.

He frowned at the thought. Life back then was so different from his present state. He barely contributed to the household's income, selling his artwork at small shows. He had to drive an hour or two to even get to a show, most likely wasting most of his income on the gas for transportation in the first place. Cas had spoken to his mother about it before, asking her if she would have liked him to get a "real job". She only told him to follow his dreams, and that he would make it big one day. He scoffed at the thought. There was nothing spectacular about his work compared to some other artists who could perfectly capture details of life and put them on paper or canvas. Cas couldn't capture details, he preferred to capture emotions. The ghost of himself in the corner angrily scratched his eraser across the paper.

"One white pomegranate green tea, coming up for the lightweight!" Ellen exclaimed, offering a steaming mug of tea to Cas. She motioned to an open table against the wall, and Cas slid into a seat. Ellen clasped her hands around her own mug of coffee, feeling the warmth. "So, Castiel. What's new?"

He took a sip of his tea, measuring whether or not it needed sugar. "I moved a few hours away. It's a small town in the East where everybody owns chickens and tractors. Personally, I think it's quaint, but I can tell it drives my mother crazy sometimes." He set his cup on the table and ripped open a sugar packet, emptying it into his tea.

"Your mother always enjoyed living in the city. She only moved to Gorney because of your father and aunt, you know. Are you farming then? I never took you for that kind of kid. You seemed like more of a creative to me." Ellen raised a brow and her brown eyes shined.

Cas barked out a laugh. "Damn straight about that. I couldn't lift a thing if I tried."

"Give yourself some credit, honey. You're not as skimpy as you were in what, high school? It's been a while."

"Yeah, well... I'm still on my creative streak. I draw and paint commissions, sometimes I do my own thing. It's easier to conform to what people actually want than to take a shot in the dark. It's easy to get lost in art when you live in the middle of nowhere." Cas sipped his tea again and decided one packet wasn't enough. He started to rip open another sugar.

"Boy, you're gonna give yourself a heart attack one day if you keep up that sugar streak." He only offered Ellen a small smile and poured the packet into his tea.

"Hey, I like them sweet."

Ellen roared as if that was the funniest thing she had heard all week. "It's good to have you back, Castiel. This town needs some good old blood back. I'll tell you, these people talk mad shit behind your back. Remember Pamela? She was that old hag that lived in the house across from Missouri's and my God, was she awful. She started a rumor about Jo, told everyone in town that she got pregnant when she turned 20 because she was fucking some 17 year old. Funny thing is, Jo's been dating that redhead Charlie girl for 8 years now. Explain to me how my lesbian daughter could be pregnant, Cas. These people are fuckin' lunatics, I swear."

"Jo is dating Charlie Bradbury? That's the best news I've ever heard." He thought back to high school when Jo would make any excuse to go over to Charlie's house after school. She would ditch Cas and the rest of their friend group with a wink, telling them she was "making progress". 

"Yep. I'm happy for her, she practically glows when they're together." Ellen shone with pride for her daughter. "Have you been seeing anyone Castiel?"

"Forever single, I'm telling you, Ellen. Guys avoid me like the plague."

Ellen squinted her eyes, calculating him. "I see. Well, there's still time. You're what, 26? 27? I didn't meet Bobby until I was in my early 40's."

"I suppose." Cas shrugged, "With my luck, I've already walked past my one true love on the sidewalk without knowing it and will never see him again."

Ellen paused. "Maybe, Castiel." She looked into her coffee as if it held all the secrets to the world, and raised her mug to her lips to take a long sip. 

They sat there in the shop for a long time, talking about nothing and everything. Ellen filled him in on her life and asked Cas more questions about his. Talking to someone who didn't treat him like a feral cat was refreshing for Cas. When a customer would walk in, Ellen would get up, take the order, and sit back down with him to continue their conversation.

The day was wearing on, and the sun began to set early. 

"I can't believe the sun goes down at 5:30. It makes me feel like I'm working a night shift." Ellen complained.

"The joy of winter in Michigan!" Cas laughed.

The bells above the door jingled as another customer entered the store. Ellen's smile faded into a frown that creased her wrinkles deep into her face, making her look much older than she actually was. She rose to her feet and went behind the service counter.

"Dean, how can I help you today?" She asked with a straight face.

Cas tensed. Goosebumps scattered themselves across his arms.

"Just my regular," he paused, "and a green tea, please."

Cas allowed his eyes to pinpoint on one notch in the table. He almost convinced himself that he was imagining Dean for a few moments before the man sat in the seat across from him and slid a lidded cup across the table. Dean held his own gingerly as if it would bite him.

Cas took the momentary silence to give himself a pep talk. He was not being forced to talk to the man. He had complete control over the conversation. 

Cas looked up to meet Dean's green eyes. The man looked back at him blankly. A crease had formed between his eyebrows that weren't there 9 years ago. There seemed to impossibly be more freckles scattered across his nose. Cas stared at him, not backing down.

Dean opened his mouth to say something, but Cas wanted to be the one to make the first move. He picked up his cup and stood up from the table. Dean watched him as he walked behind Ellen's counter to the sink. Without breaking eye contact, he poured out the drink. Ellen stood against the counter, arms crossed, unsure of what to do or say. When Cas could hear that the cup was empty, he tossed it in the garbage and turned to face Ellen who gave him another back-breaking hug. She held him, silently conveying her sympathy. Cas backed up, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, and exited the shop knowing that a pair of green eyes was following him on his way out.

When the cool air hit his flushed cheeks, Cas let himself breathe again. The tension he held in his shoulders relaxed and he flexed his fingers, just because he could. His mother used to tell him that he should forgive and forget, but damn it felt good to diss Dean Winchester. He took out his phone to check if his mother had been trying to contact him. The only message he had was from Hannah.

Hannah 5:12pm: _hey u busy tonight? mama's got a whole bottle of vodka with your name written all over it ;)_

Castiel 5:45pm: _Hannah, you know I don't drink._

He moved to slide his phone back in his pocket when it buzzed in his hand.

Hannah 5:46pm: _more for me. my place at 7? bring the whole star wars saga or ur getting kicked out as soon as u come to the door :)_

Cas grinned down at his phone. Hannah always knew him too well. She knew he couldn't pass up an offer to watch Star Wars if his life depended on it.

Castiel 5:46pm: _Fine. Send your address again._

He changed his route back home so he could swing by the movie rental shop. Garth's was probably the only place in the United States that still could make a living off of renting out movies.

People on the streets still gave him a range of dirty looks, but if he could resist Dean he could resist the urge to punch old man Rufus in the face for calling him a killer fag. He kept his pace steady, grounded by the cold air filling his lungs with every breath he took. The walk wasn't long, Garth's was only a few blocks away from Ellen's Coffee Shop, but it gave Cas some time to calm down and recollect himself. Besides, he was excited to see Garth again after so much time had passed.

The dingy rental store looked almost identical to the one from his childhood, except it had more updated movie promo posters in the windows. He smiled remembering all of the times he spent messing around with Hannah there. The store's outer brick walls still bore their initials, H+C, on one brick. From the bottom right, Cas trailed his eyes up four bricks and left two, delighted to see the crudely sketched initials still proudly displayed as if they owned the place. 

Instead of having bells above the door, Garth installed a system that played the sound of a clown horn every time someone walked in. As a kid, Garth used to say it was more welcoming, but Cas just found himself mildly irritated.

"Ho-ly shit. Novak the nerd extraordinaire is in the house!" Garth yelled, flinging his gangly legs across the counter. An old woman at the checkout held her copy of _Sex and the City_ tighter to her chest.

Garth ran over to Cas and held his fist out as an invitation, and there was no way Cas could have forgotten the handshake. He knocked fists, wiggled his fingers in an explosion, and then gave Garth a hug with a quick pat on the back. Garth grinned.

"You haven't lost it brother! What can I get you today? Have you seen the new _IT_? Fuckin' dope movie, dude. I have one copy behind the desk but," He scooted closer to Cas, covering his mouth with his hand, "I've been secretly watching it all by myself after hours. I've seen it 16 times now."

Cas placed his hand gently on Garth's shoulder and pushed him away. "How about the entire _Star Wars_ saga? Apparently Hannah wants to binge the entire series tonight."

Garth clapped his hands together. "Good choice! I'll grab them and meet you at the front."

As Garth ran off to grab the movies, Cas looked around. The old woman at the checkout eyed him warily, but he didn't recognize her. She must have moved in during the past couple years. There were a few other customers in the store, but after Garth's outburst they seemed to be minding their own business and ignoring Cas. He skimmed his fingers along a line of Barbie movies, laughing when he saw "from Garth's private collection" written on one of the copies. 

The woman at the front was annoyed with Cas, since Garth forced him to cut in front of her. Cas apologized to her, which seemed to ease some of her tension, but she was still bubbling with anger under the surface. With another fistbump from Garth, Cas was on his way to Hannah's with six rented movies cradled in his arms.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, but he couldn't move his arms to grab it in time before it stopped. He decided to call whoever was trying to get in touch with him back when he got to Hannah's. The movies weren't heavy, but every few steps one would try to free itself from the pile and have Cas flailing his arms in an attempt to keep in in the stack. His phone buzzed again, persistent.

Car ignored the missed calls until he reached Hannah's porch. Her house was small, but fit her personality perfectly. Green shutters adorned her windows and matched the fairy garden she had set up in her landscaping.

Car knocked on the door once before Hannah swung it open, looking flustered. She widened her eyes and quickly shut the door behind her before stepping outside with Cas. He looked down at her bare feet and cocked an eyebrow.

"Is something wrong?" He asked slowly, "I don't think bare feet are really ideal in this kind of weather."

Hannah huffed, "Smartass. But seriously, are you really that much of a hermit that you can't check your damn phone? You have to leave, Cassie. I mean like, _abort mission_ leave. I have one half of the Winchester brothers in my house and I bet you can guess which one it is. He's currently bawling his eyes out in my bathroom."

Cas widened his eyes. Dean was in Hannah's house. "Okay. Okay, yeah I'm leaving. But take these, I don't want to carry them to Amara's. Can we do this tomorrow?"

Hannah took the stack of movies in her arms and nodded. "Of course, but right now you need to get the hell out of dodge. I'll call you, love. Sleep well tonight."

She kissed Cas once on the cheek and hurried back into the house, shutting the door behind her. Cas stared at the chipped paint for a few seconds before half-running off the porch. He needed to leave as soon as possible. 

After another cold walk, he got home. Amara's house was a welcome sight, and the wave of heat that greeted him when he walked through the front door felt like heaven.

He could hear his mother from the living room. "Castiel? Are you back?"

"Yeah, I'm back." He took off his sneakers and placed them near the door. "Talked to Ellen Harvelle for a while. It was really nice, actually."

He trudged through the kitchen into the living room to find his mother spread out across the couch with a book in her hands. "That's nice, sweetheart. Is she doing well?"

Cas slumped down in a padded chair, letting out a content sigh. "Yeah. I talked to her for a few hours and caught up. She seems happy." He decided to leave out the bit about Dean, but continued, "What are you reading, Ma?"

Naomi finally looked up from her book and gave her son a crooked grin. "It's called 'Skinny Bitch'. Have you heard of it?"

Crossing his legs, Cas shook his head. Naomi curled a page corned to mark her spot, and closed the book. She rested it against the glass of the coffee table, and pulled a blanket up to her neck.

"It's written by two women, and it's all about the food industry. Their main goal is to make the reader go vegan, but it's just making me sick thinking of those poor animals." Shd nuzzled further into the blanket, "You seem exhausted. What's wrong?"

The fact that his mother could read him so easily was both a blessing and a curse. He didn't want to burden her about Dean, but he also didn't want to hold everything in and deal with it by himself. "I saw Dean today. Well, I saw him last night with Hannah, but I saw him today too. He walked into Ellen's and bought me a tea. I dumped it out and left him sitting there. Ma, I know you never raised me to wish hurt or harm on anyone, but it felt so damn good walking out of there knowing I hurt him like he hurt me." Cas looked at his mother and was met with a smile.

"You're right, I never raised you to hurt people. But I never told you that you can't let people have a taste of their own medicine. That dumb boy left you all those years ago and broke your heart. He has no right to be let back into your life unless you're sure you want him to. You control that, since he was the one that screwed things up in the first place."

Cas picked at a loose string hanging from the chair. "Well, Hannah texted me after I left the shop. She wanted me to go over to her place to watch some movies, but when I got there, she wouldn't let me in," Naomi cocked an eyebrow but Cas went on, "because she had Dean in there. She told me he was crying. Actually, I think she used the word 'bawling'. Does that make me a bad person?"

Naomi shook her head and pursed her lips together. "Not at all. I'm sure he feels guilty, Castiel. Can you imagine? It's not you that's hurting him, it's himself."

Cas plucked the loose string from the chair and rolled it between his fingers. He knew she was right. He didn't owe Dean anything.

"Do I owe him a chance to apologize?" He asked.

"If you want to let him speak, let the man speak. If not, fuck him, who needs him?"

Cas huffed out a laugh. His mother barely swore unless she was angry. He stood from the chair and gave Naomi a kiss on the forehead. 

"I think I'm going to draw for the rest of the day. Is there anything I can eat beforehand?"

Naomi rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding me? This place is food heaven. I'm pretty sure Amara uses her toilet as extra food storage."

Cas whispered his thanks and found himself leftovers from some meal he wasn't present for. After eating, he retired to his room and dug around in his bag before pulling out his sketchbook. The raggedy book was nearly filled with drawings, but each time Cas flipped through his previous work, the less he understood it. He drew on impulse, capturing emotions in colors, finding strange meanings in shapes and objects. He paged through the book before landing on a drawing he did about a month ago of a pink kettle. He remembered why he drew that one. That day, he met a little girl on the far side of town who had told him she would become a fashion designer one day. She told Cas that his overalls were coming back in style, and complimented his eyes. She was a firecracker, telling him anything as long as he would listen, as if she would explode if she didn't get it all out. That night, he went home and drew the pink kettle. 

If a random person looked at the drawing, they would see a kettle. An oddly colored kettle, yet still just a kettle. When Cas looked at his work, he saw the fashion designer farmgirl. He saw her beauty.

He flipped to a clean page and drew out his supplies, spreading them across his bedsheets. He got to work.

For a split second, he almost forgot about Dean and Gorney until he realized that he was only using one color throughout the whole piece.

Army green.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to leave a comment. I know how I generally want this story to go, but I'm truly terrible at updating. Critique is always welcome! 
> 
> Subscribe to get updates on new chapters, or bookmark it if you'd like. Whatever works best for you.


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